TL; DR
Watched the documentary around his mark twain award acceptance. Made me stay up late.
fOuND a PlAcE I CaN bE mE, Plz Advise, nEvAr LeAvInGg
He is being true to himself.
Being willing and brave enough to express himself and his weirdness. He is exploring words and ideas that do not fit the current all accepting culture. He talks about kinks he has in bed.
He highlighted something I am trying to do, I guess, through this blog. Find a version of myself that is presentable to the world...well that is how I would put it initially, but find a version of myself, well just find myself and express myself.
Using everything you know in your art
Closer to the previous point, expressing your entire self. The co-founder of Chappelle Show talked about how it was unique in that it captured a person going through being in America and born with black skin. He mentioned that comedy is the one profession where you might use everything that you know.
I want to put everything into something. That is a scary thought. It comes from a place of wanting to be known for something, but it also comes from a place of wanting to involve myself. I feel I have many talents and abilities and things to express and I want to put them all to use. There is something beautiful, for example, about running for a time and then running hard and then running hard again and then slowing down and then running hard again. You put everything out there.
Awards are a peak experience that many deserve and not everyone gets.
He enjoys the opportunity for everyone to get together.
So many people deserve them, but not everybody gets them. He worked and he put in the time. Well, he stuck to it. He was not perfect at deadlines necessarily, but he cared deeply, had unreal levels of empathy, and he kept doing it.
People want something they can stick to, something that, well everything is going to shit, but if I just do this one thing, over and over, and stick to it, everything will be okay. They make work their God. or whatever it is. But God is God and that is it.
Success as a group of fun
Created memories with people around him.
Again, he enjoys getting people together.
What kind of night are you trying to have? It was funny thinking of him talking to Aziz Ansari and saying what are you going to tell your kids 20 years from now, that you were there the night Dave Chappelle found out he was receiving the Mark Twain Award and you got some sleep?!
I think, and I am kind of getting it, that what seeing someone express themselves totally like that is really what Rumi was talking about....set yourself on fire and find people that fan the flames. I have been saying we need more people that are awake. That is what the world is. Be awake, be present, show up.
The importance of showing up
I once went to a meeting during graduate school, and a CEO from a hospital system was there. He said everyone in this room showed up, so much from his career, that was one of the biggest things...people just did not want to show up.
His first time performing stand up
Chappelle talked about how he was fantastic the first time he went on stage. Then the next seven or eight times, it was just terrible, but man maybe the ninth or tenth time, it will not be so bad again. The only thing I have experienced that with is improv. I liked that a lot. I have a skill for that, for acting too, but boy the last time I went, it was bad. Not so bad, but it was bad. The teacher just kept asking what we thought was going on, the students were like not understanding the creation of a scene, they just wanted to wave big dicks around...but I knew I liked it. I like writing too, but I do not have a lot of feedback. You know, with piano, if you are playing the song you have a sense of if it is going well.
What I am searching for
With this writing, I have a sense that this article is way too long, and rambling, and I will hit publish anyway. So I guess what the point is is that I am playing internal games...does this fit my taste? My goals? In this case, the quality probaby does not, but boy it does fit my goal of shipping something with a heart in it, with thought.
The other thing I am searching for is my group. My 'people' and maybe, well, that is my family, but also it is something else.