My mother is a hater.
I do not know why.
She is super judgemental and while it helped with when we were growing up to be a drive to be successful in school, it is toxic now that we are older.
I hope she gets over it.
I hope she learns that people make their own choices, and their choices make sense. She does not need to criticize people. She needs to worry about her own happiness.
I think she does it because she is insecure. I think she does it to feel good. I think she does it to feel relevant.
I think everyone does these things.
I think it is normal.
But it seems to be especially difficult because she is my mom.
There are obviously nice things about her, she is very loving and helpful. I honestly think she is caring and wants the best for people.
But she has ego and insecurity that causes her to tear people down. Like if I say I think this other thing is better, she feels like she has to step in and prove that her thing is actually better.
She does not know what is good for everybody, even if she thinks she knows what is good for her.
I think she is, well no, I know that she is kind and wants to help people.
I think she wants people to be financially successful and be happy.
But she has this side where she gets into complaining about things and it is real drag on our relationship.
I hope she gets over it.
People do dumb things or things that do not make sense, but to hear her complain really bothers me.
I think the main thing is when she tells me stuff to do. It is criticism really. And it bothers me. Like it reminds me of all the times that she was just disappointed in me.
I wish she would just be loving and encouraging and happy with who I am.
Instead, she is constantly pushing me to be something I am not. She wants us to be successful, but to her that is consumerism: a big TV, lots of houses, a bunch of pictures that she can show off. Good for her, but she does not realize that I am much more private.
I am happy living life as a writer, as a creator, and with financial freedom. If I can do that, that is winning. I am figuring out, well, I am making it real for myself...financially and skill wise.
She talks about winning because she can retire at 62, and saying I could retire at 55, but I am talking about retiring at 43.
Or having the option to retire.
I am also talking about "retiring" now.
Being able to write, and fight, and hang out with friends, and read good books, and live a life of adventure and contribution. Frankly, by not following huge consumerism, and having modest number of posessions that are have certain qualities, I am figuring that I can live a very high quality of life, in a very robust way, financially.
I love her and I do not think she will change, but it would help me out and it would help her be happier for herself too. She could realize that she already has won. That she already has kids that are successful.
Buy the best winter jacket for Minnesota or just wear what I have?
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