General ennui – a rambling, boring post

Sometimes I feel like I have been trying to live two lives my whole life.
Physician or writer

And I have chosen the middle -> public health epidemiologist
Or nothern or southern, and been raised in the middle
Even living, east or west, I'm living in the midwest.

Maybe it is not making a decision
Maybe it is hedging bets
Maybe it is settling for something

It feels comfortable and maybe comfort is dangerous

Well so is over extension

But is it?

Overextension may just happen

Striving is bad?
No, striving is good, but it is bad if you do it toward something you do not like.

Because that is empty.

If you do it towards something you enjoy, an ocean, you will find unlimited energy.

And really that is what I am after.

That feeling of being excited, of being alive, of being impulsive, of being

Neither shitty lifestyle or shitty lifestyle. Practical.
But then again, I learned the other day that we equate how we feel today with how we think we would feel in the future.

I need some friends at work. Someone that is funny.

I should go back to writing class. I liked it there. I should go back to class for writing and acting. -> I should just hire someone that writes to go back and forth with me during COVID-19 instead of doing it myself. And instead of waiting for a class.

I should go do combat sports again online at least during COVID-19. I should get some friends on IG or something so we can talk about stuff.

I should just friend everyone I know on FB and IG.

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