at some point, you need to say everything. you need to get all that shit out there.
the more shit there is, the more you need to say it, the faster it comes out, the more angry it is.
what is this life? pangs of hunger, lust, longing, and deceit punctuated with kindness.
if i could breathe a little bit each day,
if i could help someone smile,
that might be worth it.
i need to go clean my room.
a bedroom is a santuary of sorts, the teenage domicile, but having a room to yourself,
that is an american expectation.
in the world i live in, the world of america, kids share rooms, rooms change, and there is no dog because you cannot and do not want a dog as a pet.
a dog is an animal that stays outside.
this seems absurd to people who let their dogs sleep in their beds.
in the book sapiens, we learn that humans and dogs have coexisted for at least 15,000 years.
a human life is not even 1000 years.
15,000 with dogs.
and yet, how many do you think we have been sleeping in the same bed?
it is more natural to not have a dog in your bed and to share your bedroom with your entire family.
that is how humans have lived for millenia.
we have had our own bedrooms for decades.
is that normal?
normal is a hard question because that usually depends on what is common. and we all know common means poor and poor means shitty.
except if it is a poor person dancing and jiving for the system. then it is inspiring.
so if every movie, from whatever to dauntless to the matrix to everything has reiterated, just because everyone is doing it, does not mean it is good.
so then people say, well what is natural?
natural is not ecofacist.
but it is also not really how humans have been living for years.
forager, hunter gatherer, agriculture, mechanical, technological revolutions.
what if hunter gatherer was peak human? hang out, go do cool shit with your friends and family, be forced to figure shit out, leave and go try some other tribe out if you could. but then again, if you were out of the norm, you were probably dead. then again again... it definintely was not the mechanical revolution, that was fucking cancer.
in northern minnesota there is a mine that you can tour. you go down like 15+ stories into a vein in the earth. it is pitch black. there are gaping holes in the ground that you can fall into and no one is pulling you out. your only light by dim candle. even going down the rattly elevator is terrible and when you were working, you would be crammed in there. i think they have 1/3 of the people in there for tourists and it is still shoulder to shoulder. and you would do that shit for 12+ hours a day. chipping away at the old ham. ham being the dirt or whatever. and the expression being a call back to a 2019 stand up comedy special by a shrill woman.
in any case, fuck. all that just so we could have TV or something? TV programming was so shitty back then too.
give me 4 television channels or give me death.
this technological revolution seems to have promise. sure there are still people mining lithium, and we have created such toxic systems in social media that now the big flex is a few thousand dollar Esalen Institute weekend where you do not have phones and you dig up dirt and hear lectures, but at least we got an iPhone out of it.
i have hope that the technological revolution allows us to be human again. because it could allow us to earn money outside the systems again. by providing value directly to people at a scale and low cost of coordination that has heretofore not been available to the masses.
but we keep going down these dead ends. or at least getting distracted by the shiny object. shiny object or juicy hamburger? we choose shiny object every time.
people treat Steve Jobs like he is the man. i mean what about the electrical engineer and physicist that created radio wave communication? or the first actual cell phone? or even the nokia. nokia was peak phone, fast, had games, a week of battery life, and you could drop it 2-3 stories down the central atrium of a beautiful office building and expect that it would 1) not only work, but 2) would not have a scratch.
durability, functionality, and the nokia 3310 was beautiful. the 5190 was quirky and cool. the ___ was futuristic, it was in the Matrix after all.
did i mention they were also FREE with a cell phone plan?!
what in the actual fuck people? and you hold narcissitic fuck up to the sky like a god? to be honest, though, i am getting too angry about this and my therapist is saying it is too much.
i never met steve jobs. i met people who knew him. he was probably an absolutely delightful person to some people and a hard boss to others. and a human person who was doing his best to be happy and make his way in the world. and practiced mindfulness. i am mainly angry at you, the people, and the idea of him that is built up: be a dick and get results. nikolai tesla and wozniack >> whatever and whoever the fuck. whatever and whoever the fuck are business people. they are marketers. and tesla, wozniack, and whoever else were tinkerers. hackers. enthusiasts. citizens of their own nation in a long arc of history.
we choose shiny object instead of the person who actually invented or discovered something. shiny object or the juicy meat? the person who was toiling? no. the razzle dazzle man? yes.
we are choosing iphone and cricket flour over a nokia 3310 and sirloin from a hunted deer.
is that the right choice? does that make sense?
that is probably enough for today's session.
i still need to go clean my room.