there is so much toxicity out there
culturally and otherwise
there is something beautiful about choosing to be happy. think of it this way, people actually all want to be happy. at the core. that is really an encompassing thing of what we actually want.
but we get fucked up along the way.
because words are imperfect.
tl;dr happiness is closer to peaceful joy than it is to adrenaline excitement.
and further compression: if you want peaceful joy, that is a mental game, internal game, more than an external game.
when you get rich, you realize that you have all this shit, stress, obligations, requirements to be here or there.
so then you go fuck it, eventually you burn out, and you're like i just want to be free.
so you have control of, well if you are a workaholic stage, control of what projects you want to work on.
but really, at the core of it happiness comes to a few things.
control of your time aka freedom of time.
less freedom to do ANYTHING and more freedom from HAVING to do things.
physical health - sunlight, real, outdoors sunlight, not indoors. exercise.
SLEEP - this should be under physical health
mental game - peace in your mind. emotions are THE HARDEST thing to deal with in your life. there are a lot of tools, but you need a whole tool box. meditation is a big one, but like, you can't build a whole house without a hammer, you also cannot build a house with JUST a hammer. youneed multiple tools. but you also probably do not need a hedge trimmer to build a house. you see what I mean?
the whole game is a good life.
if you are a success in terms of career, that is fine, that is great, but we are talking about a WHOLE LIFE.
that is a PIECE.
it is like a person at the gym who has a weird imbalanced body. like they got some praise, adulation, etc. from working out the biceps. so then they only work the biceps. pretty soon they have a weird body. and then the thing that trips them up, is that they might get attention and praise, maybe they can do things with their biceps that no one else can do.
but who is that serving?
a sideshow machine.
that instinct is supposed to be used to serve the collective as a helpful benefit to your group. ex. oh shit, you were able to identify that plant or build this structure, you're really fucking good at that. you get praise, status, etc. just for doing that. but in the current world? it can get hijacked. honestly. like you should live a life that is good. not a life that people think is good. for example, doing something bad is bad whether or not the people you are with think it is good. and lots of the time, you can end up getting praise for things that are, well let's not call them bad, but call them maladaptive.
not the most functional choices.
hard for me to call something good or bad, but i can call it functional or nonfunctional. helpful or not helpful? good or bad?
see the problem with words. for example rage and violence. yeah if your life is threatened and you rage out, it can be helpful. but like some person cuting you off? some person flipping you off? for the most part, you need to just ignore that shit. someone that does that is hurting. hurt people hurt people. now, here is where a maladaptive habit can be groomed. for example, people call you a bitch and pick on you, let's say in school. on the playground. and if you fight, you literally have food to eat. otherwise you get beat up everyday and your food stolen. the word for that is expedient. expedient means the closest, easiest, most convenient solution. hard choices, easy life. they are hard choices because of your environment. in a good environment, that is actually the easy choice. so you fight back. that works, but it is not long term. that is the catch. and also, there are other ways. what i am saying is that in an environment, you may have an expedient solution, but is not a healthy longterm solution. it can be maladaptive in that it can get in the way of you being happy. even though it was helpful in a certain place and time. if your goal is to be happy, you do the things to be happy. maybe right now, you can't? you feel trapped?
so what do you do? you need to innovate.
most people know if you stick in the middle of the pack, you can be protected. you have a couple of friends. you get some skill or adulation, gain the respect of people. for me it was being smart, but i was also nice. i got along with everybody. those things can protect you too.
so that is an example. okay end of example.
you need to do the things to be happy. it is a skill.
and here is the thing. when i was fucking fighting, competitive, hardcore about academics, that came from a place of frustration, anger, lack. lack of love. i got love when i was good at academics, and not when i wasn't.
but in time, i learned that was not love. love is accepting. love is uplifting. love is a place of abundance.
the real game is fear or love. abundance or scarcity mindset.
if you can cue into the love and abundance mindset, well i have not learned a ton about it, but they are kind of wild.
you realize that a lot of stuff boils down to that. someone calling you shit? if you are loving and abundant, well maybe that person is mental, basically. i get why they do it, they're fucking trapped and angry. but you have a choice, sometimes you can say stuff like, hey im standing up for myself, there is no need to insult me. well what you said was insulting, it is not that i took it that way, you said it to try and be dominant. we are just here having a good time. but like a little kid. like if a little kid calls you an asshole, whatever they are a dumb little kid. they can't hurt me. that is actually a lot of people.
but this is a long ramble. i'm going to post it anyway, because i need to lean into the discomfort of putting things that are just off the cuff for me. that works for me. some people, well, they need to hold back and think about what they do and say. they're unhinged. i'm impinged.
what i mean also is that certain advice is good for certain situations, certain people. for some people you need to tell them to stop joking around. they need to take things seriously. other people need to joke around more, not take things so seriously. but the truth is that both groups need to see things in context. they need to see the truth of the situation. the reality of the situation.
there is a middle way, an appropriate response, care too much, care too little?
the good stuff comes from a place of love and abundance. and you can build that within you. you actually have everything you need for it.
it is not that you need a new gadget or piece of technology or clothing. it is within you. and how you see the world. and how you understand things.
for example gratitude is a huge thing.
there are people without water. they have to walk miles for water, everyday. you have a tap. that is so easy. compared to them, you are the millionaire with untold convieniences. someone goes out and grows and if you need meat, even kills food for you. wtf. think abotu that. think about every single hand that worked and all that went into providing you with a tomato. you think that if you had servants and house staff and all the people you could have sex with and all the money in the world and could command things that you would be happy? you already have that shit. you would just be you, but more. honestly. when you do a tiny thing like 'click' a button to order something online, that tiny movement, sets into motion hundreds or thousands of robots, trucks, planes, warehouse employees, etc. all from that tiny manuever. someone who is hunter gatherer probably looks at you the way you imagine whatever level of 'rich' you have in your mind. the issue is that people think of rich in material goods.
we are already mature past that.
shelter from cold, food, water. clothing. those are all the material goods you need. honestly. NEED. in terms of all capital letters, poverty vs abject poverty, NEED.
the thing you likely want are other things.
you do not buy things because you need them. you buy them because you want other things. attention, acceptance, recognition. to feel like you are of substance.
that is the whole game. if you study marketing, there are two things that differentiate products, marketing and technology. and you would be surprised, people say tech and functionality, but they really mean marketing. You do not wear a Rolex because you need to know the time, it is because you want an expensive watch, that you think either means you are of substance, or you want it to be of substance. But it is honestly still a potentially gauche choice. Like would you wear a Rolex if no one knew what it was? Likely the answer is no, for some people maybe it is yes, but likely it is no. You want to be a person for whom it is yes, but instead you just buy it.
So really, you should just be the thing. That is harder. You cannot buy it. An important person, a pillar of the community wears a Rolex. So you're a random kid and you buy a Rolex. You are still not a pillar of the community. You are still a random kid, but now you have a Rolex.
That is actually the entire game with any aspirational.
People have already studied this. So many generations of religions and philosophers and advisors have answered this question over and over and over. Seeking wealth, riches, adulation is not the game. Yes, I want to highlight adulation. People want attention. That is natural, it feels good, but like, the DRUG of it, the ADDICTION of it, is the issue. It becomes an issue when you pursue ATTENTION because you LACK something in your life.
If your family life is shit, but you have a super popular blog. I mean wtf. If people beat up on you as a kid and now you have that pain, but you have millions of people that know your name? I mean wtf. You do not need millions of people to know your name (fame), or a super popular blog (call it career, accomplishment, celebrity, contribution) whatever. What you need is to process that pain and have it leave. Or understand it.
This is basic stuff, but it is true. And often overlooked. The issue is that like, you THINK you want those things because you got highjacked. When you see someone in nice clothes, accomplished, wealthy. you might think you want that, but what you want is to have your life in order, to have money. You might think you want power, but what you really need is love. acceptance. you need to not feel scared anymore. Power seeking is because you have been hurt. You want protection, love, kindness and friendship. But you go for respect. Other people are the other way, they are people pleasing, codependent, they cannot be alone. They cannot feel outcast. They have to feel like they are part of the group? Why? Because being an outsider meant bad things would happen. Being an insider was rewarded.
But like sometimes you have to be an outsider too. You cannot just be serving a people pleasing system.
The thing is that you cannot take a photo of happiness. Well you can recognize it maybe. But like happiness is not adrenaline, excitement, it is not intensity, it is not pleasure. Happiness is joy. Peace. Understanding the reality of the world. Gratitude. Contentment. Abundance. Love. Friendship. Curiosity. Kindness. That sounds like such bullshit maybe, but like that is really the game. And the reason you do not go after those things are multitple, but mainly advertising, and the hijacking of natural tendencies. You do not want to play video games, you want to go outside and walk in nature, or actually raise a kid. But the gamification is so strong. You do not want to do these things with these people, but like, you feel like you have to in order to be in the in crowd. But you do not. You will survive. You have a chance to be happy. You can be happy everyday. There are people that are happy. It does not take money. It does take sleep, sunlight, exercise. It takes forgiveness, processing emotion, it takes art too, but more than that, it takes the experience of love and the requirement that you hold yourself to things. There are a few things that you need to do in life, and then the rest is just story. Fleeting and eternal.
What do you need to do?
Take care of yourself - mentally, physically, and emotionally. There is a toolbox for each of those.
Take care of other people - time, materials, and experiences.
That is really about 'it'
I should write a follow-up post that starts here and tries to present things, that does present things in an organized way. Coming from what people would search. But I am going to post it here in its entirety because it is important for me to put things out there that are unfinished and raw.